Enlightenment
by avan337
Summary: What happens to Daniel after he leaves Betty sitting in his office Hello Goodbye
1. Chapter 1

He wanders around aimlessly for a few seconds, ending up in the men's room. Blinking back the tears threatening to fall, he washes his face, refusing to acknowledge his own reflection in the mirror.

He can feel his pulse pounding in his ears, the echo of his own words reverberating in his brain. _"You're leaving, aren't you?"_

He ducks out of the building before she can see him, walks around the block before remembering there actually is a meeting he should be at. He goes through the motions of the rest of the day, barely registers what is said and done around him. If anyone notices that he's off, they don't say.

As closing time nears he worries that she'll come by his office again, so he leaves early. His first thought is to head to the nearest bar, but instead he hears himself give the driver his mother's address. She lets him in without question, pours him a drink as he takes off his jacket and sits on the couch.

"I'm sorry, honey," Claire says as she hands him the scotch.

He stares into the space in front of him for a few seconds, looks over to where she's sitting in the arm chair, and says simply, "Oh, my god."

Claire's face shows her empathy for her son, but she says nothing.

Daniel takes a sip of the drink, sits back on the couch. "How the hell did this happen?"

"Oh, I don't know," she answers with a wicked smile, "how could you possibly develop feelings for someone who has been with you at the best and worst moments of your life, who has always supported you and has always forgiven you when you've acted like a jackass?"

"I haven't acted like a jackass!" he protests, side-stepping Claire's point. "Not to her."

"Not that much," he concedes after a moment, realizing burning the contract waiver definitely constituted acting like a jackass, and it wasn't the first time.

"Daniel, why are you treating this as a bad thing? You love her! It's good!"

"Mom, she's moving to London!" he yells, exasperated. "And I don't love her. I'm just…upset that she's leaving. And confused. And lonely.

"And you're right, she's always been there for me. I wouldn't have gotten through Molly's death, or Dad's for that matter, without her. I can always count on her, and she knows me, so I can tell her anything, and I trust her opinion, so…" he stops himself, dumbstruck again with what he now knows is the truth. "Oh, my god."

Claire has listened to him babble on, watches as he works through his feelings.

"You do realize that she feels the same way, don't you?"

"What?" This gets his attention. "Did she say something to you?"

"No, but Daniel, why would she have done all of those things you just said if she didn't feel the same way?"

His response comes out in a snort. "Why would she take a job in London if she did? No, she's never seen me as anything more than a friend. She's told me that herself."

"She did?," Claire replies, genuinely curious. "When?"

"Back when Renee accused her of being in love with me."

She would laugh at the absurdity of her son, if it wasn't so sad to watch. "Oh, Daniel, that was two years ago! And wasn't she dating Henry at the time?"

"Yeah, so?" Daniel wonders if he sounds as petulant as he thinks he does.

"So, feelings change. Yours have. I've watched you two get closer this year." Claire decides to appeal to Daniel's baser instincts. "Betty has grown into a mature, beautiful woman. You can't tell me you haven't noticed that."

_Betty in her bridesmaid dress. Betty when her braces were first gone. Betty reaching out to him at the Blobby awards. Betty looking at him this morning, confirming that she was leaving him._

"Yeah, I've noticed," he replies begrudgingly, "but that doesn't change the fact that she made a decision to move to another continent without even talking to me."

"Whatever this," he waves at his own chest, "is, she doesn't feel the same way."

Claire thinks for a moment. "Maybe. Or maybe she just doesn't realize it. It took her quitting and you nearly burning your office down for _you_ to figure it out. You should talk to her."

Daniel imagines himself knocking on her apartment door, saying any number of weird and embarrassing things, and Betty telling him again that she's leaving. Leaving him.

"No, I'm not telling her any of this," he gives his mother his most menacing glare, "and neither are you."

Claire knows Daniel can be stubborn and resistant to change; does she ever know. "Okay, I won't say anything. But you should. Daniel, I think you'll really regret it if you don't."

Daniel realizes all of a sudden that he's tired. And his head hurts. And his heart hurts. "I'll think about it, Mom." Brushing off his thoughts before the tears come back, he downs the rest of his drink and changes the subject.

Claire lets him off the hook, this time, and makes a mental note of how many days are left before Betty leaves.


	2. Chapter 2

Don't hit the button to replay the message, he tells himself for the third time. And for the third time, he hits the button and listens again. _"It's my going away party and you're not here."_

He hears her voice break, hears the pain and sadness. He knows she's been trying to talk to him for the past few days, and he knows she knows he's avoiding her. He's been afraid that she'll show up at his apartment or camp out in his office, forcing him to face her.

Part of him wishes she would, to put him out of his misery. But he's not sure if a new misery would take its place. The bottom line is he's afraid to see her. He's afraid of what he might say, or what his face might betray even if he says nothing.

So there's no way he can walk down to where the party is being held. He can't risk looking at her; can't risk her seeing him.

He reminds himself it's a bad idea the entire way to the party. He hides behind a door for a few seconds to make sure she's distracted. Then he leans on the glass, entranced at the sight of her: so young, vibrant, happy; beautiful. Who is he to disrupt that with his own desires?

He feels a hand on his shoulder; turns to see his mother. "Are you going to talk to her?"

Selfish Daniel wants to make a grand entrance into the party, kiss her senseless and convince her not to leave him. Selfish Daniel remembers how much he needs her to make sense of his world, to add color and humor and everything good.

But Betty has helped him become someone other than Selfish Daniel. And he knows that New Daniel must be selfless, must make a sacrifice because it's clear that it's what she wants and needs. New Daniel has finally figured out what it means to love someone more than himself, and must accept the pain that comes along with losing that person.

"I think I need to let her go."

One more look, and he walks away. As he heads home in the town car, he deletes her message from his phone.


	3. Chapter 3

"I thought I might find you here," Claire tells him as she steps into his office. "It's Sunday, you know."

Daniel is painfully aware that it's been two days since Betty packed up her office and left Mode. "There's still a lot of work to do to get out the anniversary issue, Mom."

"I got an email from Ignacio. They are having a small going away party for Betty this afternoon," Claire says. "You could still make it if you left now."

"Mom," he says as a warning.

"She asked about you at her party. She thinks you hate her."

He knows this is a guilt tactic, but is determined not to let her sway him. "Betty knows I don't hate her."

"But she doesn't understand why you won't talk to her."

"It doesn't seem to matter _that_ much to her; she knows where to find me if she really wanted to talk to me." He doesn't care that he's whining.

Claire takes a deep breath and a long look at her son. "Daniel, if you're not going to tell her how you feel, then you at least need to tell her goodbye."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can," she presses.

"No, I can't!" He doesn't mean to yell at his mother, but he doesn't know how else to make her understand. "I've thought about it, Mom, I really have. I even tried to call her yesterday. I got to the last number. But I just…I just can't do it."

He doesn't tell her that, for the past two days, he's been seeing Betty in the office. She's at her old desk, waving to him through the glass. Or she's walking into his office and sitting down, not caring that she wasn't invited. He knows it isn't real, but he likes the fantasy. He's afraid that saying goodbye to the actual Betty might mean saying goodbye to Fantasy Betty, too, and he can't lose her altogether.

Claire wishes she could magically fix this for Daniel, and knows that she could if she told Betty. But she's learned enough about her children to know that it's his choice to make, even if it's a mistake.

"Darling, I'm worried about you," she says. "Won't you reconsider telling Betty that you love her?"

He no longer attempts to deny the "l" word. "If I tell her, she'll stay."

"And that would be so bad?" she asks.

"Yes, it would be bad," he answers, "because she wants this job. C'mon, Mom, you and I both know this is her dream. I'm not getting in the way of that."

"Daniel, don't you think she has the right to choose? What if she wants you more?"

"And what if she doesn't want me at all?" he asks, admitting the fear that has held him back. Claire's eyebrows rise in surprise; she notices the tears welling up in his eyes.

"What if I go to her, tell her everything, and she still chooses the job? What then? At least this way, I still have my pride."

Claire thinks for a minute, sits down in a guest chair. "Your father cheated on me almost the whole time we were married, and I knew about it for years," she says. "Sometimes I would ask myself, 'Why don't you just leave the bastard, Claire? Where is your pride?' But you know what the truth was?"

Daniel only shakes his head in response.

"The truth was," she continues, "that I loved Bradford, and I realized that pride made for a very lonely bedfellow."

"This situation is a lot different," he notes.

"Maybe, but the outcome remains the same." Claire pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket. She sets it on the desk, turns it so it faces Daniel and pushes it towards him.

"Her flight information," she explains. "I hope you use it, but just remember, no matter what, I love you."

With that she stands up, walks around the desk and kisses his forehead. Daniel wishes he was a kid again, and that her kiss could make everything better. "Thanks, Mom," is all he says as she walks away.

After she's gone, he picks up the paper and stares at it for a long time. The letters and numbers only serve to remind him that Betty is leaving, that she is already gone from his life. He balls up the paper and throws it at the wastebasket, sinking it perfectly into the bin. The small victory offers him no comfort.

* * *

The next morning he suffers through the staff meeting: Wilhelmina runs it and he doesn't care. He believes he's wandering aimlessly after getting his coffee, but he winds up in front of her office. Her former office. Marc sees him, so he has to pretend he's there for a reason.

He opens the door and walks in, averting his eyes from the first place they usually landed. "Hey, is everything ready for the photo shoot this afternoon?" he asks.

Marc huffs his response. "Like I said in the meeting, it's fine. I was just leaving now to pick up the dresses."

Daniel tries to appear interested, appeased. "Great," he replies. When he makes no effort to move, Marc asks him, "Is there anything else?"

He glances at the empty desk then quickly looks away. "I, uh, kind of need a favor," he begins, not sure if this is a good idea. "I need to find out, umm…"

As he hesitates, a look of understanding passes Marc's face. "Justin sent me a text earlier," Marc tells him. "Her flight landed on time. She made it to her apartment. She's tired but fine."

A wave of relief passes over him. His hand trembles slightly. He gives Marc an appreciative nod. "Thanks," he says, then walks out.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's note:** I came up with an ending to this that differed from the show, but I thought that was unfair to those of you who were expecting this to follow the series, so I wrote two different endings. You can let me know which one you prefer! Thanks for reading and for the feedback._

**Ending I**

At the end of the first full week without Betty, he feels as if he's been through battle. He wonders how long simply functioning will be this hard.

His temp brings him the Book late in the afternoon on the following Monday. He doesn't want to look at it. Rather, he doesn't want to look at the words Betty's written about him. Her last duty before leaving Mode; the last thing he asked of her. He told her that night they made a great team. He realizes now she was going to tell him she had taken another job in another country.

He flips through the pages and scoffs at his own reflection staring back at him. "You're doing your fishy face thing," he hears her telling him. "That's just my face," he replies to her voice in his head. He skips past her profile of him, deciding he can torture himself with it tomorrow.

He briefly thinks of his father, who was responsible for bringing Betty into his life. If he only knew how that would turn out, Daniel muses, would Bradford have acted differently. In the beginning, all he wanted was his father's approval. As he flips the page, and sees himself next to Wilhelmina, he questions whether his father would approve of his running the company with someone outside of the family. Probably not, he thinks.

And then, like a flash of lightning, it hits him. It doesn't matter what his father would say. He and Wilhelmina had kept the company afloat when it seemed impossible. Daniel knows he's made a difference at Mode, at all of Meade, and he realizes that, in the end, he's made himself happy. Maybe he never could make his father proud of him when he was alive, so why keep trying now that's he gone?

Why was he here, he asks himself? Why was he sitting here, miserable, when he could so easily change the course of his life? He had spent so much time thinking about Betty leaving New York that it never occurred to him that he didn't have to stay, either. Looking back at the photo of him and Wilhelmina, he realizes that Wilhelmina deserves the one thing they fought so hard to keep from her. Why had they done that? Sure, she was a bitch, but she knew Mode inside and out, and she had worked her way to the top. Mode would survive in Wilhelmina's hands, if not flourish.

Suddenly, Daniel feels lighter. The answer was so simple; he wonders why he didn't think of it sooner. He takes the Book over to the Art Department, gives them instructions. Then he heads back to his desk to write what will be his last letter from the editor.

* * *

By the end of the week Daniel has packed up his own office and left Mode. The contracts have been signed, turning editorial control of Mode over to Wilhelmina and giving her authority to make the day-to-day decisions at Meade. He still owns half the company, but will be a silent partner.

His mother took the news surprisingly well. If she was upset at the thought of him being so far away, she kept it to herself. She also turned out to be extremely helpful, calling Betty's office for him and finding out not only the address, but also getting Betty's schedule for the following week.

Daniel finishes packing his suitcase, taking a look around his apartment. He had been tempted to box everything up, but in a rush of nerves decided to wait until after he sees Betty, gauges her reaction.

He has no idea what he's going to do in London, or even how long he'll be there. He just has a one-way ticket and a hotel room booked for one week. He's surprisingly calm about those details, about what will become of the rest of his life. The only thing that concerns him is what he will say to Betty, and what she will say in return. He knows she's hurt, and probably angry, but he's banking on the fact that she never could stay mad at him. Besides, actually showing up in London is a huge gesture. And he's always known how to handle women.

Only this isn't just any woman. It's Betty, and he marvels for the millionth time how much has changed between them. He wants to be happy again, and he knows this is the best way to make that happen. The idea that it's the only way to make that happen is too frightening to think about.

There's a knock on the door. It's his mom, come to take him to the airport.

"I'm proud of you, Daniel," she tells him as the town car maneuvers through New York traffic.

"For what, throwing away my career and chasing after my former assistant?" he asks snidely.

"Yes, actually," she replies, smiling. "You are choosing your own path in life and following your heart."

He smiles back at her, but he can't help but feel a little nervous as he draws closer to the unknown. "Yeah, well, if I follow my heart into a brick wall, you're the one who's going to have to pick up the pieces."

Claire pats his hand, almost dismissively. "Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about that. You've given your heart to the one person who will never break it."

Daniel pictures Betty literally holding his heart, cradling it as if it were fine china. It's creepy and comforting at the same time.

He turns to Claire, and says, "Mom, thank you, for putting up with me these last couple of weeks, and for always listening."

He sees her face soften as she simply replies, "It's my job."

They hug goodbye at the curbside check-in. He manages to survive the security line, the wait to board and the loading of the plane.

As they rise above the clouds, Daniel looks out the window and says goodbye to New York, goodbye to Mode and goodbye to the past. In a matter of hours he will be breathing the same air as Betty, standing in the same time zone, planning how he will get to her. For now, he chooses to dream of her, and they are once again dancing at Hilda's wedding, and everything is right in the world.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ending II**

After a few weeks have passed, he receives an email from her. The subject line is "Still mad at me?" She tells him that she's sorry she didn't get to see him before she left, that she hopes he's okay and taking care of himself. She mentions that her job is challenging but she loves it, and asks how things are going at Mode.

He contemplates not answering, but he's had time to realize how his not saying goodbye must have seemed to her. As painful as it would have been for him, he knows that not saying goodbye did cause her pain. The truth is that he's missed her, terribly, and email seems the easiest form of communication. He still doesn't trust himself to pick up the phone; hearing her voice might send him reeling back to the way he felt the day she left.

So he replies, apologizes for not saying goodbye, wishes her well on her new job, offers his advice if she wants it. He tells her that Mode is doing well, which it is, and that he's hired both a new assistant and a new junior features editor.

What he doesn't tell her is that while he can fill those positions at Mode, he hasn't found a way to replace the hole she's left in his heart. He doesn't know who to talk to now, so he finds himself talking to his mother, then eventually Tyler. He goes out sometimes, but partying doesn't satisfy him the way it did when he was younger.

He spends more time at work. One afternoon she crosses his mind, and it dawns on him that he hadn't thought of her all morning. It surprises him, and he realizes that he's adjusting to life without her. That thought only leaves a dull ache in his chest, rather than the sharp pain from when he first realized he loved her.

* * *

After several months, he meets someone. There have been a few women who've filled his bed since Betty left, but this is the first one he's found interesting outside of the bedroom. She's a buyer for Donna Karan. She's beautiful, bright and cheery, and she happens to be British. The irony isn't lost on him.

While leaving work one night he runs into Amanda, who is there to pick up Marc. She mentions that she's kept in touch with Betty. So has he, he tells her. She seems to be doing fine in London, and the magazine is great, he adds. He bought a subscription, and bought every copy of the first issue he could find when it arrived in the States.

Amanda wonders if he's heard that Betty and Matt are back together; he hadn't. Betty never mentioned her personal life in her emails, so he just assumed she didn't have one. That was silly, he thinks now. He's been dating Esme for months and has never mentioned it to Betty. He grasps just how far apart they have grown, that only a shell of their friendship remains. That's what happens when you live across an ocean from a person, he thinks snidely.

The holidays roll around, and he sends a gift basket to the Suarez house. Ignacio calls to thank him, and he genuinely enjoys hearing from the older man. They talk about everything but Betty, until Ignacio mentions that she and Matt are coming home to celebrate Christmas, as well as their engagement. Daniel is invited to an engagement party Hilda and Bobby are throwing for the happy couple. He's overjoyed that he has already agreed to attend Esme's office holiday party that night. He lies and tells Ignacio that he will try and call Betty while she's in town.

After he hangs up the phone, he gets up and stares out the window. It would be at moments like this that he would rely on Betty most, when his world suddenly got turned upside down. But things are different now, so he sends a text to Tyler asking for a game of racquetball, which he knows will lead to a conversation. His half-brother, as it turns out, is a great listener and has become a good friend.

* * *

Things become more serious with Esme in the New Year, so they plan a trip to London to meet her family. It briefly crosses his mind that he could call Betty while he's there, but he quickly decides against it. Since he learned of her engagement, their emails have become fewer and fewer. He doesn't even remember the last time he heard from her. Besides, Esme knows all about Betty, and he doesn't want her to feel threatened. He really cares for Esme – loves her, possibly – and he doesn't want anything to ruin their trip.

They arrive in London in the early spring. He's a hit with Esme's family, and he senses that this could be the woman he settles down with. His mother adores her, mainly because she lifted the fog that had covered him since Betty left. Now that her family is on board, he starts thinking about buying a ring.

* * *

One day, as they are sightseeing in Trafalgar Square, he's momentarily distracted by a pigeon taking flight and walks right into someone. As they both apologize, the woman lifts her head, and he's stunned to see Betty.

"Daniel!" He realizes he hasn't heard her say his name in a year, and for a moment he's shell-shocked. But then he remembers that Esme is by his side, so he introduces them. He calls Betty "an old friend," even though Esme knows exactly what she meant to him. Daniel asks about Matt, and Betty replies that she called off the wedding a month or so ago, that Matt is gone. He offers his condolences, and is truly sorry that she got hurt again.

Esme senses the tension in the air and makes up an excuse to leave. Daniel asks Betty if she has a few moments to talk; they take a seat on the steps of the museum.

"So, I heard that Wilhelmina left Mode," she says, looking for a neutral topic. "That must be weird."

"Yeah, when Connor got out of jail, they decided to run off together," he answers. "Alexis and I bought Wilhelmina out, but she wanted to stay in Paris and be a silent partner, so I'm officially in charge."

"Well, I always knew you could be successful, Daniel." Even after all this time, her support still means something.

"Thank you," he replies. "I really am sorry about Matt."

"Thanks. I realized one day that I was forcing something that wasn't there anymore," she explains. "Fortunately I realized it before we actually got married."

He nods in agreement. After a few moments she says, "Well, your girlfriend seems very nice. What was her name again?"

"Esme, and yes, she's great. We should try and have dinner before we leave, so you two can get to know each other," he offers, though he really doesn't mean it.

Betty, though, smiles at the invitation. "I would love that. My schedule's pretty open this week, so just pick the night."

He nods again as she hands him her business card, and takes a good look at her. She's dressing better, and her glasses are different, but otherwise she seems the same. He wonders how different he looks to her, if at all.

"So, besides the whole Matt thing, you're doing well here, huh? The magazine is great, by the way."

"Thanks," she answers. "Yes, I love it here. That surprised me. I mean, I knew I would love the job, but I didn't realize how much I would love the city, too." She hurries to add, "Though I do miss my family and…everyone…in New York."

"New York misses you," he says quietly. They trade looks, until a bell chimes in the distance, stirring them from their reverie.

"Well, I better get back to work." Betty declares as she stands and puts her bag over her shoulder. He stands as well, and they look at each other another moment. "I'm really glad I ran into you," she says as she reaches out to hug him.

He hugs her back, and for a second the pain in his chest returns. "I'll call you later about dinner," he tells her as they break the embrace. She replies, "Great," and walks away.

He watches her for a moment then heads back to his hotel. As he enters the lobby, he calls the work number Betty has given him, reaches her assistant. "Hi, this is Daniel Meade. Can you please tell Betty that I just realized our plans changed, and we are leaving London a few days earlier than I thought. I'm afraid we won't be able to get together for dinner. Thank you."

He clicks off his phone and heads back to his room, where Esme awaits. He has a feeling that was the last time he'll ever see Betty Suarez.


End file.
